Prayers Answered

Not too long ago, the ICU doctor called to talk with me. They finally found out what the nodules in Mom's peritoneal cavity are. They are plasma cell tumors (plasma cell tumors are from multiple myeloma), not ovarian cancer as originally thought. The cancer is very, very aggressive and would not be responsive to treatment. Mom's condition has worsened rapidly.

When the doctor called, she was sitting in the room with my mom and my grandparents and they had already discussed palliative care as the best choice for my Mom and they were just checking in with me to make sure that I was in agreement, which of course I was.

Mom wanted to talk with me and I got the opportunity to say goodbye to her before they start giving her all the good strong drugs that will bring her peace and keep her from feeling what is happening to her body. Goodbyes are never easy, but I am so grateful that I got to have one. I thanked her for giving me the best years of her life, told her I loved her, that we would be okay. I told her that even though we couldn't be there physically with her right now that we were with her in our thoughts and prayers and holding her close and that she was not alone. I told her that I knew the Lord was with her and that I believe I will see her again one day. I got to tell my Mom about Lily's birth and tell her what a sweet baby girl she is and that made her so happy. I told her that I knew she touched a lot of other lives through all her years of teaching and that I hoped she could feel content and happy about that -- all the ways she's made a difference for people. It was hard but wonderful, one of those moments when you know that you can't fit all the words in to summarize what needs to be said but when you know that the feelings behind the words convey it anyway.

The only hard thing for me is that she didn't get to see any pictures of Lily or of the birth. I sent one to her cell phone yesterday but I don't know if she got it. That makes me sad, but I can't hold up her comfort on my behalf for pictures. So, I just have to trust that she will be able to see us from heaven and that she knows it was beautiful. That is the only thing that feels unfinished from my end but I have to believe that if it doesn't feel unfinished on her end, all is well. The most important thing is that she get the relief she needs as quickly as possible.

I signed off with the doctor, who ensured me that they would deliver Mom in a nice comfortable natural death into the hands of the Lord. Two days ago, the Lord delivered my beautiful baby girl, Lily, safely into this world. I have to believe that those same loving hands will be there to receive my Mom peacefully on the other end. Lord God, open your hands to my Mom, give her peace and receive her with joy. May she dance with You and find comfort in Your presence. Thank you, Lord, for lending her to us for this lifetime and for touching us with her spirit. My life has been all the better for every minute of it.