Highs and Lows

There have been lots of highs and lows over the last day or so around here. First the high: Lillian Agnes Kinsey was born last night, on Christmas Eve, at 11:12pm. It was a beautiful home water birth and we couldn't have asked for a more amazing and blessed experience. She weighed in at 8lb7oz, 20 3/4 inches long, with a 14 inch head. She started nursing like a champ shortly after birth and has kept it up ever since. She is so sweet, such a relaxed personality and so much fun to be around. We thank God for her!

I'll give you the promised rundown of the birth story. For all of you birthy friends out there, I'll write a more detailed story later and send it to you privately. Otherwise, here's the bare bones. I got a high leak in my water on December 16th and we thought she was coming right away. Friends helped us get a birth pool and other needed items. Our doula came over and we thought things were getting going contraction wise but they fizzled out. This was the same day that Mom was admitted to Duke, so stress was running high and that probably had something to do with it. Anyway, the leak seemed to seal over and then for the next week, I would go into what seemed to be labor and then it would fizzle out. I worked hard at relaxing and resting. Allen really helped me out by babysitting my phone to keep distractions to a minimum. He was also off for the entire week of Christmas, which was helpful for support with Will and with all that has been going on with Mom.

Anyway, if you're wondering, yes there are certain hygienic measures you take when you've had a leak in your water. Don't need to get into them, but we were careful and decided to wait for labor to truly begin on its own. On December 23rd I started getting regular contractions that continued all day and through the night and into the 24th. I was able to get a few hours of rest here and there, so they didn't develop into a full-blown labor pattern. At 6:00 on the 24th, my labor really picked up with contractions two minutes apart, lasting a minute or more each. I wanted to pay attention to Will opening his Christmas gifts but just couldn't focus on anything but the contractions. Allen called the midwives and our doula and they arrived around 8:00. I hit transition somewhere around 10:00 and then after 20 minutes or so of pushing, Lillian was born at 11:12 p.m. in the birthing pool. My midwife passed her through my legs and I got to be the one to pull her out of the water for the first time. What a blessed experience!!  :-D

I will update with pictures later on. I'm a little tired right now, but I promise to share as soon as I upload them to the computer.

Now for lows. Mom is having a really, really tough time. Please continue to keep her in your prayers. Her pain medication was affecting renal function, so yesterday they decided to pull her off of it. Her pain became overwhelming and she hit a major breaking point, where she panicked and wanted her life to end. Gramme and Grandpa were there for all of this and Marilyn was on the phone. I can't begin to imagine what that must have felt like. Duke was able to sedate her and work with her pain management to bring her to a place of peace again. Today, I spoke with her and she was pretty desperate but from what I understand she was better than yesterday. She was asking why she was alone, why she was still here, why I wasn't there, why Gramme and Grandpa weren't there, why nobody was doing anything for her, etc. They gave her some kind of medication when I was on the phone with her and all of a sudden the most important thing to her was repeating my phone number and having the nurse put it on the white board. She did that for about 10 minutes. I told her that Lily had been born and let her hear Lily sneeze in the phone, which she seemed to enjoy. I also told her what a calm and wonderful baby she is and that seemed to also help her feel peaceful. Marilyn spoke on the phone with her after I got off and she was having a rough time again but they came to ice her body and to give her some kind of sedative to help her get some rest and when Marilyn got off the phone with her she was dozing off.

We really need to get some answers about what is going on with her so that she can have some quality of life and peace. We are supposed to get those answers on Monday and things really need to get moving. Her current quality of life is unacceptable, horrible to witness and just unfair. The one thing she's always said is that she doesn't care what happens to her, she just doesn't want to feel pain. It breaks my heart that we can't make that happen for her right now. She didn't have the kind of Christmas I wanted for her today and I truly miss my Mom. Opening gifts from her was bittersweet as we know how she is as a person, vs what she is forced to endure right now.

So, there you have it...highs and lows. Our family is truly experiencing both ends of the spectrum right now. We rejoice in God's gift of new life in Lily and are so sad about what Mom is going through. We hope that Lily can bring hope and joy to family and friends and that we can somehow find some peace and answers for Mom.